It’s the day before my birthday and I’m not in a great place. August was a challenge and I crumbled.
Trying to see the end of this tunnel and have faith, and trying to get to normal, but my body has been permanently changed and is slow to adapt.  
I breathe deep and anxiety fills me up. I struggle to break out. Every little pain or strange new feeling in my body freaks me. Down the rabbit hole I go. After two complications it HAS to be another. 
My husband has been my rock. He has to be sick of this whiny, scared, impatient woman because I am and I can’t get rid of her.
My regular doc yesterday told me that if she had been through what I have in the last month, she’d need a Xanax script too. 
Pulmonary embolism. Blood thinners. Seriously. 
So I’m skipping my birthday. I can’t drink or eat cake so I’m in denial. 
September. WILL be better. I will force it into submission.


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