Limbo

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In the moments before life changing news
I am Schrodinger’s woman
both possibilities exist:
everything is okay as is
or something has changed
and the journey will be uphill

I am vibrating,
not of my own world
anticipation gives me cold fingers
a loudly beating heart
I want to stay in this safe place
this limbo
of not knowing for sure
once I do, everything will shift

I don’t want to hear this
I don’t want the phone to ring
…and there it is

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Just Before Hurricane Charley… August 12, 2004

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Livejournal Entry.

Weirdness and chocolate ice cream at 9pm [12 Aug 2004|09:13pm]

So there are two hurricanes headed for Florida (my house) and my older son found a snake in the master bathroom tonite.

Somehow I know these two events are related but I have no idea how.

Last time it was a frog.

Continue reading “Just Before Hurricane Charley… August 12, 2004”

Eleven Years Ago…..October 11, 2004

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I once had a LiveJournal.  It was deleted when “that part” of my life ended.  But before I deleted it I copied and pasted it into Word.

Found this entry today….

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11 Oct 2004|07:28am][ mood | frustrated]
[ music | Today Show… Superman Died ]
It is 7:28 in the morning. I have two minutes until my day begins. Two minutes to write a bit before my peace and quiet give way to noise, activity and me chasing the clock.

I vacuumed a cat yesterday… and Superman died today.

Continue reading “Eleven Years Ago…..October 11, 2004”

Trust is not a passive thing.

You trust with your intelligence and your strength, as well as with your vulnerability. You will be trusting again when you learn the essential paradox about love: You can only open your heart effectively when you are strong and insightful, when you love your own life and take care of yourself.

…………love this. From an article a long time ago and I have lost the source 😦

The Older I Get, the Fewer Things I Can Fix.

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When my kids were little I was “the fixer”.

When they were hungry, I fed them. When they got hurt, I patched them up, I took out splinters, I held their heads when they vomited, I took them to top doctors.  When a beloved toy broke – I fixed or replaced it.

Then they went to school. And I could not fix bullying (every school lip services this crap and some kids – and adults – are just assholes).  I could not fix their math confusion (don’t look at me, I was in remedial math in fourth grade!). I could not fix teachers who should not be teachers. And I could not fix the rules that may have seemed silly to them, but as a grown up, I understood. Faced with middle school (which is really Hell) and high school now, I can’t fix crushes or lack of friends and watch as they bump up against real life. Driving lessons?  OMG!  How do parents DO this? (I am guessing any mom with a two year old having a meltdown in Walmart is asking the same question right now.) My job, after all is to “launch” them into caring, assertive, competent, and responsible humans.

But it hurts.

Continue reading “The Older I Get, the Fewer Things I Can Fix.”

Geographically Dispersed Family

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My parents married young. It would have been their SEVENTIETH wedding anniversary this month. (My dad passed away in 2005.)  They moved a lot in their married life and I am starting to wonder if that itchy foot is genetic.

I have lived in ten states.  Most of my siblings are pretty close to the same.

Continue reading “Geographically Dispersed Family”

I <3 (heart) this sonnet

Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;
But then begins a journey in my head,
To work my mind, when body’s work’s expired:
For then my thoughts, from far where I abide,
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
Looking on darkness which the blind do see
Save that my soul’s imaginary sight
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,
Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night,
Makes black night beauteous and her old face new.
Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,
For thee and for myself no quiet find.

Blood Thinners – Anxiety

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I want to get on a PLANE right NOW.  I need to see my mom.

And…
I am anxious about driving.
I am anxious about falling while walking.
I am anxious about every ache. Every pain.
My veins sometimes feel like they are on fire.
My joints ache.
In the mornings, I wake up feeling like I was run over.

And this is why.

Patients may bleed easily while taking anticoagulants. Bleeding may develop in many areas, such as the nose or gums, excessive menstrual bleeding, bleeding in the urine or feces, bleeding or excessive bruising in the skin, as well as vomiting material that is bright red or like coffee grounds. In some cases, bleeding can develop inside the body and not be noticed immediately. Bleeding inside the body can cause a person to feel faint, or have pain in the back or abdomen. A healthcare provider should be notified immediately if there are any signs of this problem.

Wear an alert tag — People who take anticoagulants should wear a bracelet, necklace, or similar alert tag at all times. If medical treatment is required and the person is too ill to explain their condition, the tag will alert responders about the patient’s use of anticoagulants and the risk of excessive bleeding.

The alert tag should list the person’s medical conditions, as well as the name and phone number of an emergency contact.

Reduce the risk of bleeding — Some simple modifications can limit the risk of bleeding:

Use a soft bristle toothbrush

Shave with an electric razor rather than a blade

Take care when using scissors or knives

Avoid potentially harmful activities (biking, hiking, contact sports)

Do not take aspirin or other NSAIDS (eg, ibuprofen, Advil, Aleve, Motrin, Nuprin) while taking warfarin. Other nonprescription pain medications, such as acetaminophen, may be a safe alternative.

Uh. Hunh.  So a bloody nose could, literally, kill me.

Reactive Listening. Yikes

I do this SO much with my ex, and sometimes with co-workers who are way too negative and critical (“I don’t know what I want, but this wasn’t it.”)

Here are Five Healthier Ways to Practice Awareness When You are Triggered:

1. Zip your lip. Don’t react right away. Don’t speak, or write a reply until you’ve had a chance to feel and reflect.

2. Step into the person’s shoes. We’re really all one. Use the interaction or feedback you get as a learning tool. Allow yourself to understand where the other person is coming from and that nobody has to be right for things to work out.

3. Notice the feelings. If you practice feeling what’s going on inside of you when you’re triggered you’ll usually notice that you’re creating a mental story to go along with the sensation. Separate the two and just bring the feeling into your heart.

4. Don’t take anything personally. It’s never about you. Ever. Realize that someone’s feedback or comment about you is coming from their own unique lenses they watch the world through. It’s just another way to look at things. It doesn’t have to be personal.

5. Respond from your heart not your head. If and when you respond in the instance where you’ve been triggered, make sure it’s only after you’ve done the first four steps, and that you’re responding from a heart-centered place. Why? It’s all about love baby. If we want it we must give it, no matter how someone is judging us.

Read more –  I highly recommend..

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/10/when-were-triggered-how-to-stop-reacting-defensively/