Eleven Years Ago…..October 11, 2004


I once had a LiveJournal.  It was deleted when “that part” of my life ended.  But before I deleted it I copied and pasted it into Word.

Found this entry today….


11 Oct 2004|07:28am][ mood | frustrated]
[ music | Today Show… Superman Died ]
It is 7:28 in the morning. I have two minutes until my day begins. Two minutes to write a bit before my peace and quiet give way to noise, activity and me chasing the clock.

I vacuumed a cat yesterday… and Superman died today.

Jack has a stuffed cat that smells like an old boot. No worse. It smells like sour milk, sweat and spit. Her fur is so squished she is no longer soft and fuzzy. So we stuffed her in a big baggie with lots of baking soda and shook her up for a few hours. Then I vaccumed. She now smells better and is a bit more fluffy but is still squished. She has been Jack’s pillow for about 4 years. Our neighbors gave her to Jack in NH back in 2000. I found two more on ebay so he has three of the “same” cat.. though he knows which is the original and will only sleep ON that one.

I found more baby clothes in the attic last week. I pawed through the box and was almost, but not quite sad. Closing the box after sorting through it I realized I am truly shutting the door on more babies. No daughter. I just don’t think physically I have it in me. The preganancy would be ok.. I would be tired.. but the six months following with a 3 year old, a 6 year old and me alone half the time. And not a lot of help in the husband department with much of anything….

…I am deep sea diver tired. Slow motion tired. Don’t sit down or I will not get up again tired. And my back pain lets me sleep 7 hours a night max. This is not a way to live.
Time to awaken my kids. I got a few extra minutes and I am listening to my youngest son’s THUMP against the wall and my older son call me. He was up at 6:40AM. It was still dark outside and I sent him back to bed.

Sigh.. I feel so desperate about this country and how it effects this family. I cannot find a job. I have never had trouble before in 16 years.

Movie recommendation: Big Fish!! Very odd but unnerving and sweet.


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