Depressed Mishmash

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  • $1.5B Powerball (I just want the Universe to give me a chance to DO GOOD in the world. More GOOD than my measly attempts to smile at people and pay things forward.)
  • Leg Hot Flashes are a thing and I have them.
  • So are regular hot flashes (and I am having them too).
  • My 13 year old is flunking math, even with a tutor for $300 a month. I am a math dwarf and cannot help him. I am worried about his lack of forethought, disorganization, his not having something he loves to do other than computer games, his weight, his future.
  • I need to REALLY learn WordPress.
  • My consulting client is acting weird.
  • I NEVER seem to save money.
  • I miss my mom. Daily.
  • My back is STILL not allowing me to have a life.
  • I have not slept through the night in at least a month. It’s either my back or a hot flash that wakes me.
  • Syrian children are starving.
  • The human race seems doomed.
  • Global warming.
  • Super bugs
  • Erin Mccarley songs are my “go to” when I am pissy or sad.

    Especially this one.  Which I am singing to my unfinished novel.

    “Gotta Figure This Out”

    I separated my heart from my head
    To feel out what’s inside
    I don’t like what I see, so I say good night

    Don’t wake me ’cause I’m dreaming in color
    Black and white is not my friend
    Candy coated figures hold me in my bed

    I’ve never been so deep inside a shadow
    I’ve never been so insecure of what I know

    I’ve gotta figure it out, I need a story to tell
    Where’s the feeling I long for?
    I’ve gotta figure it out before I lose you, love

    Big city streets are calling me loud
    The busy keeps me high
    Well, this quiet town is wearing me down tonight

    I know that I should stay here for a while
    Listen to the sound of my shaky heart
    Looking for gold in the ground

    I’ve never been so deep inside a shadow
    I’ve never been so insecure of what I know

    I’ve gotta figure it out, I need a story to tell
    Where’s the feeling I long for?
    I’ve gotta figure it out before I lose you
    Before I lose you, love

    It’s not okay to make you wait
    To make you wonder why I
    Can’t hold you close or give you hope
    That this will be all right, I wanna make it right

    I’ve gotta figure this out, I need a story to tell
    Where’s the feeling I long for?
    I’ve gotta figure it out

    I’ve gotta figure this out, I need a story to tell
    Where’s the feeling I long for?
    I’ve gotta figure it out before I lose you
    Before I lose you, before I lose you, love

  • I will probably never ride a horse again. (Which is code for “I will never see a shrink again and I REALLY NEED ONE.”)
  • I feel too much. Always. I cannot watch the news.
  • My second novel is on blocks. (Can’t think of a thing to say.)
  • I need to PLAY more, do more GOOD for others, get out of my weed infested head.  And my body says. NO YOU CAN’T. I am too young for that crap

    Depressing mish mash indeed.

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